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I once knew of a boy who came home from school and played video games constantly. Not only that, he had a separate TV in his room as well that he could use to watch cartoons at the same time. Despite that, this boy did well in school. He was on the Scholar’s Bowl, and he was elected Most Studious in his high school class. He attended church devoutly, read the entire Bible as a teenager and also read many other books. He went on to Bible College, graduated and eventually earned a Master’s in Philosophy at a Seminary. He is now working on a PhD in philosophy. His planned dissertation is on video games and Christianity. His theme is that people play video games because of a God-given drive for story, quest, and meaning.If you haven’t guessed by now, that boy is me.

Let me be upfront also and say I am on the autism spectrum so multi-tasking has been something I’ve done throughout my life. Now as I play video games at home on the seminary campus, I have my Echo device next to me. I use that to watch YouTube videos on politics, video games, and various pop culture interests. I also use it to call my folks on their device every day so they can see how I’m doing.

While I am a devoted gamer, I am a voracious reader. When I did my PhD interview to get into the program, I am told I gave the longest response to the question of “What are you reading now?” Some professors have said I read more than anyone they know and the last word they would use to describe me is lazy.

Often, a question arises as to whether a child is addicted to video games or not. That is a valid question. I am not a parent so I cannot speak from that perspective, but I can speak from the perspective of a child whose parents definitely knew about my love of video games.

So first off, if you have this concern, kudos to you. It tells me you are taking an active interest in your child’s well-being. How can you determine if your concern is valid? Let’s look at two scenarios.

Jimmy is a devoted gamer. He spends up to four hours of weekdays after school playing video games. Despite this, he rmaintains a B grade average and does well in school. He goes to church with his family and does his chores regularly.

Richard is a devoted gamer. He spends up to two hours of weekdays after school playing video games. He is chronically late with his school work and dismisses his chores. Richard barely has a C- average and often misses church with his family. He wants to get in some free time doing productive things in his mind like playing video games.

Which of these children most likely has a problem? It’s Richard. Jimmy plays a lot, yes, but he still makes sure he gets the important things done first. While Richard plays less, it does interfere with his life more. In other words, looking at how long someone plays video games does not determine the answer to the question.

My suggestion to concerned parents is, if your child’s playing video games is not interfering with other aspects of his life, I encourage you to let him be.

If the games are interfering or distracting them, then you need to set up a system that can motivate your child. While I do not agree with everything in the book, obviously, there is a lot of worthwhile material in, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids. I encourage you to try it.

Mainly, I think a rewards-based system is more effective and less stressful than attempting a cold turkey treatment. The problem is not the games. The problem is your child’s priorities. It is their priorities that need to be brought in line. If you treat games as the problem you become an antagonist. Work with your child. Listen to your child. Learn why your child likes games so much and be a partner with them in their hobby, but teach them how to be productive with their time.

Having said that, something I encourage parents to do is to take active part in your children’s interest in games. You should know what games your children are playing and why they are playing them. The internet is a great source for information. If your child is interested in a game and wants you to buy it for them as a gift sometime, you should definitely go and look the game up online and read about it. While that includes the ERSB rating, don’t stop there. What lessons do you think it is teaching? Are there any underlying messages that you are concerned about? Note that this is not a hard case against a game either. Many of us watch and read media we disagree with and they’re great conversation pieces to use.

Video games are the stories of our time and they are done in such a way that are interactive, meaning that the player actually has to make the decision. Sometimes, these are tough moral decisions and even though real people are not involved, the player can still feel like they are responsible for something that has happened and by doing such an action, they are becoming a certain kind of person. Those with some moral standards can at times even take actions in a game that could be detrimental to their gameplay just because they do not want to make a choice they deem to be wrong.

So if your child asks for a game while you’re out at a Wal-Mart and they see it, I would advise that if you do not know about the game at the time, do not give a hard yes or a hard no. Tell them you want to go home and look it up first. Then even if you find questionable material, teach your child some responsibility. Go to them first and ask why it is they want the game. Then you can present your concerns about things you have seen in the game. Let your child give a response and see if you think that they are informed. Are they making good decisions? If so, then you can highly consider getting them the game, making sure that they hold to their end of the bargain so they can keep the game.

Now here’s an even more bizarre idea. When I say that, what I really think is bizarre is that no one seems to really consider doing this. If your child was on the school football team, you would likely be at every game watching and cheering them on. If your child was a piano player, you would be at every recital watching them play.

Strangely enough, when parents have a child who is a gamer, they tend to shy away from that one. Looking back on my own childhood, I would have loved it if my parents had played video games with me more. My Dad and I could bond over Dr. Mario, but that was about it. He often said he could take his turn, be done in five minutes, then go out and do his grocery shopping and wash his car and everything else and then it would soon be his turn again.

Funny, of course, but what would be even better would be for the parent to stay with the child. Watch him play. Learn about him and why he enjoys it. Cheer him on. Support him.

Parents. If you had a child who wanted to play catch with you, odds are you would do it. If your child wanted you to watch a movie with them, you would probably do that. If your child wanted you to watch them ride a horse for the first time, you would do it.

Why say no if your child asks you to play a video game with them?

Parents. Do this and you have a good chance of also having more of a say in your child’s life when it comes to games. Not only that, but if a child knows that you will likely be playing their games with them, that’s going to influence them when they go to the store with their birthday money to buy a game. You can’t be around 24/7 and they will sometimes buy games you do not know about. If they know there’s a chance you will see a new game and ask to play it with them, they will be more hesitant to buy something that could be inappropriate.

Also, your child will enjoy the experience and his friends will be convinced he has the most incredible parents on the block. If your child beats you, that’s just more fun for them. It tells them that they can excel at something so much so that they can be even better than their parents at it.

When you’re done playing a game with them, talk about it. Discuss any moral questions you have. Listen to their opinions and let them reach some of their own conclusions. This is teaching them how to think philosophically and ethically.

So in the end, what has kept me from being an addict? Reality has.

My parents were never rich. If I wanted to have money to do things, I had to work, and so I got myself a part-time job as a teenager and have been working ever since then. When I found apologetics in Bible College, it was something I loved and could also get joy in. I had been used to fighting battles in the game world. Now I was learning how to fight intellectual battles and this normally in the cyber world of the internet.

Today, this is even my area of PhD studies as I have said earlier in this piece. I could have written on many things, but in the area of apologetics, so much has already been covered. This is something that has not been and it is something that has been unique to me and studying the aspect of stories and how they shape our lives has had dramatic input on me already.

Generally, I have a rule now that I do most of my solid reading in the morning and early afternoon. I might do a little bit of gaming on my phone, but aside from a logic puzzle and a word game briefly on my Kindle, my time is spent largely reading. I read a chapter a day of several books every day, but when I get home from work shortly after 5, I put a cap on it. Then it’s the time to game, watch videos, and do other fun stuff. Then two hours before bed I normally get on my computer and do that kind of work, such as writing articles like this one.

Most people would likely never have seen that coming. (And trust me, when my parents were told my diagnosis of autism, they were told all the things I would never do, all of them proven wrong.) One of the best gifts you can give your children is to encourage them and when they have a passion, show them how to use it for greater things. Let it be a guide to them. Don’t let gaming end in gaming. Remind them that it points to a reality outside of the screen. There is real good and real evil in the world. They can join in the cause of Christ and take on real evil. Apologetics is fun for many gamers.

And while they’re kids, let them play and have fun. They only get childhood once.

In Christ,
Nick Peters
(And I affirm the virgin birth)Ω

Nick Peters is a student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (NOBTS) and is nearing completion of a Master’s degree in philosophy. He has been studying apologetics and Christianity for 25 years. He blogs regularly at Deeper Waters Apologetics. He is also on the Autism spectrum and speaks on topics related to Christianity and Autism. He has completed his Master’s Degree and has entered the PhD program at NOBTS and is planning a dissertation on video games and Christianity. He lives alone with his cat, Shiro.

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